1 00:00:01,132 --> 00:00:02,502 Ooh! (CROWD EXCLAIMING ON TV) 2 00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:05,205 (GRUNTS) Come on, Ortiz! Quit dancing! 3 00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:07,378 It's a cage match, not a tea party! 4 00:00:08,539 --> 00:00:10,380 Choke him out, Donnelly! 5 00:00:10,381 --> 00:00:12,142 You know what I like about that Donnelly? 6 00:00:12,143 --> 00:00:13,313 He's not in it for the money. 7 00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:14,785 He just likes to hurt people. 8 00:00:16,387 --> 00:00:19,189 Okay, so explain to me again the difference 9 00:00:19,190 --> 00:00:21,451 between ultimate cage fighting and regular boxing. 10 00:00:21,452 --> 00:00:23,693 Well, first of all, there's a cage. 11 00:00:23,694 --> 00:00:25,055 Which is an octagon. 12 00:00:25,056 --> 00:00:26,127 Instead of a ring. 13 00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:27,758 Which is square. 14 00:00:28,659 --> 00:00:30,029 And there's no rules, 15 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,203 so it makes it illegal everywhere except for Asia. 16 00:00:33,704 --> 00:00:35,765 And Alabama. 17 00:00:35,766 --> 00:00:37,407 (THUDDING ON TV) Ooh! 18 00:00:37,408 --> 00:00:38,508 (CROWD SHOUTING ON TV) 19 00:00:38,509 --> 00:00:40,670 As you can see, the crotch is in play. 20 00:00:40,671 --> 00:00:42,242 Right. 21 00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:43,473 (DOORBELL RINGS) 22 00:00:43,474 --> 00:00:46,476 Hey, Jim, are you expecting anyone? 23 00:00:46,477 --> 00:00:49,419 What, like a friend? 24 00:00:49,420 --> 00:00:51,251 ANDY: Come on, now. Come on, come on, come on. 25 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,123 Oh, hi, Mr. Osgood. 26 00:00:53,124 --> 00:00:54,184 Oh, now, please, Cheryl, 27 00:00:54,185 --> 00:00:56,426 I told you before, it's Bertram. 28 00:00:56,427 --> 00:00:59,159 Mr. Osgood was my father, and he's passed on. 29 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,290 Oh, I'm sorry. 30 00:01:00,291 --> 00:01:01,561 Well, I'm not. I hated him. 31 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:03,163 Oh. 32 00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,834 Anyway, I got some of your mail again. 33 00:01:04,835 --> 00:01:06,136 Oh. 34 00:01:06,137 --> 00:01:07,237 (BELL DINGING ON TV) (ALL GROAN) 35 00:01:07,238 --> 00:01:08,298 Now, what? 36 00:01:08,299 --> 00:01:10,700 Two minutes. 75 bucks? 37 00:01:10,701 --> 00:01:12,342 It's over? That's it? 38 00:01:12,343 --> 00:01:16,276 What's the matter, can't you fight with a compound fracture? 39 00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:19,078 Bertram, please, would you like to come in? Sure. Thank you. 40 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,351 Oh, you know what? I actually think this is yours. It's... 41 00:01:21,352 --> 00:01:22,452 (GASPS) 42 00:01:22,453 --> 00:01:23,783 It's opera tickets. 43 00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:26,517 Jim, Bertram has tickets to... Ah... 44 00:01:27,258 --> 00:01:30,390 "Die Fledermaus." 45 00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:32,662 Is that the one where everyone thinks 46 00:01:32,663 --> 00:01:35,725 the baby kangaroo is a giant mouse? 47 00:01:35,726 --> 00:01:37,597 Different classic, but just as good. 48 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,329 (LAUGHS) 49 00:01:39,330 --> 00:01:40,870 Are you an opera fan, Cheryl? 50 00:01:40,871 --> 00:01:43,333 Oh, oh, I... I've never actually gone, 51 00:01:43,334 --> 00:01:45,135 but I have seen it on TV. 52 00:01:45,136 --> 00:01:47,738 I see a lot of fun things on TV that I've never actually been to. 53 00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,540 'Cause... 54 00:01:50,541 --> 00:01:52,701 I'm gonna die in this house having never been anywhere. 55 00:01:54,285 --> 00:01:55,485 Well, would you like my... 56 00:01:55,486 --> 00:01:56,517 Oh, God, yes. 57 00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,749 Dana! Friday, huh? 58 00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:01,621 Oh, yeah. 59 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:02,792 Well, I have to check my book, but I'm pretty sure 60 00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:04,393 I'm doing something that I wouldn't hate. 61 00:02:05,796 --> 00:02:08,458 Andy. Andy, opera, huh? 62 00:02:08,459 --> 00:02:09,899 Strauss? Please. 63 00:02:09,900 --> 00:02:12,762 I like my coffee black, my women on the rebound, 64 00:02:12,763 --> 00:02:15,336 and my opera Italian. Thank you, no. 65 00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:22,141 I won't even ask. 66 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,544 Atta girl. Yeah. 67 00:02:25,176 --> 00:02:27,377 Hey, why don't you, uh... 68 00:02:27,378 --> 00:02:28,648 Why don't you go with Bertram? 69 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,820 Oh, would that be okay with you? 70 00:02:30,821 --> 00:02:32,452 Well, I would be delighted. 71 00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:33,623 That is, if you don't mind 72 00:02:33,624 --> 00:02:35,385 being seen on the arm of an old man. 73 00:02:35,386 --> 00:02:38,588 Oh, please. I've been to better places with worse. 74 00:02:38,589 --> 00:02:40,660 (LAUGHS) 75 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,664 (LAUGHS) It's true. She's dated some real losers. 76 00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:46,537 Just one. Just one. 77 00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:49,939 Well, that's great, then, Cheryl. 78 00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:51,841 I will see you on Friday. 79 00:02:51,842 --> 00:02:53,743 Oh, and, uh, you're gonna have to drive, 80 00:02:53,744 --> 00:02:55,805 because I'm not allowed to, after dark. 81 00:02:55,806 --> 00:02:58,349 Oh, it would be my pleasure. Sure. 82 00:02:59,410 --> 00:03:00,550 (EXCLAIMS) 83 00:03:00,551 --> 00:03:03,513 Well, I am going to the opera. 84 00:03:03,514 --> 00:03:04,815 And I'm not. 85 00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,289 Win-win. 86 00:03:15,366 --> 00:03:16,527 JIM: Oh, baby! 87 00:03:17,968 --> 00:03:19,729 Where's Mommy's apron? 88 00:03:19,730 --> 00:03:21,972 Uh, boy, are you asking the wrong guy. 89 00:03:23,274 --> 00:03:25,435 We're gonna play house. Kyle's the baby. 90 00:03:25,436 --> 00:03:29,309 I lie down, and they bring me food. 91 00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:32,343 Honey, that's not the baby. That's the daddy. 92 00:03:33,484 --> 00:03:34,914 Go on. (BELL DINGS) 93 00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:36,686 Hey, would one of you get the dinger? 94 00:03:36,687 --> 00:03:37,688 No. 95 00:03:39,450 --> 00:03:40,890 Dinger! Dinger! 96 00:03:40,891 --> 00:03:43,393 Cheryl! Dinger! I know, I know. 97 00:03:43,394 --> 00:03:45,325 Would it kill you to turn it off? 98 00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:46,826 Cheryl, that's your area. 99 00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,027 I'm just trying to respect it. 100 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,632 (HUMMING OPERA MUSIC) 101 00:03:53,464 --> 00:03:54,765 What the hell's that? 102 00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,307 It's been a whole day. 103 00:03:57,308 --> 00:03:58,868 How long does that opera buzz last? 104 00:03:58,869 --> 00:04:02,342 Oh, Jim, it is such a romantic story. 105 00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:05,345 You see, Alfred is still in love with his old girlfriend Rosalinde... 106 00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:08,679 Right... but she is married to Gabriel von Eisenstein. 107 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,621 A love triangle. 108 00:04:11,622 --> 00:04:12,823 How fresh. 109 00:04:13,624 --> 00:04:14,824 And then afterwards, 110 00:04:14,825 --> 00:04:17,758 Bertram and I went out and discussed it over tea. 111 00:04:18,589 --> 00:04:20,490 Tea? Yes! 112 00:04:20,491 --> 00:04:23,533 Hold the phone! I didn't know there'd be tea! 113 00:04:23,534 --> 00:04:25,765 Oh, fine. 114 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,767 Make fun if you want, but just once, 115 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,499 it would be nice to go to something with you 116 00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,941 that didn't involve the words "nitro burning." 117 00:04:31,942 --> 00:04:36,275 Hey, how about... Or "totally nude." 118 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,979 You know, Cheryl, they have a British dancer there. That's culture. 119 00:04:40,311 --> 00:04:42,382 Like this, honey. Look, look. 120 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:44,714 There's a foreign film festival at the Hillhurst. 121 00:04:44,715 --> 00:04:45,915 (DOORBELL RINGS) 122 00:04:45,916 --> 00:04:47,857 (GASPS) I don't know, Cheryl. 123 00:04:47,858 --> 00:04:49,759 Honey, come on. It'll be fun. 124 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,391 Yeah, it might be fun, but then what happens? 125 00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:53,323 We're going to spend the rest of our lives 126 00:04:53,324 --> 00:04:55,294 chasing that high with drugs and alcohol. 127 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,526 Oh. 128 00:04:56,527 --> 00:04:57,927 No, no, no. 129 00:04:57,928 --> 00:05:00,430 Jim, there's a lot of culture in this city. 130 00:05:00,431 --> 00:05:01,831 We should take advantage of it. 131 00:05:01,832 --> 00:05:04,334 All right, I'll take you to the zoo. Oh. 132 00:05:04,335 --> 00:05:06,075 All right, all right, I'll take you to the foreign film. 133 00:05:06,076 --> 00:05:08,378 (EXCLAIMS) I hope it's subtitled. 134 00:05:08,379 --> 00:05:10,540 There's nothing I like more than reading a good movie. 135 00:05:10,541 --> 00:05:11,542 Oh. 136 00:05:12,543 --> 00:05:14,444 Oh, hey, Bertram. How are you? 137 00:05:14,445 --> 00:05:15,685 Hello, Jim. Hey! 138 00:05:15,686 --> 00:05:17,417 Cheryl, I thought you might like this CD. 139 00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:20,620 It's La traviata with Hildegard Behrens. 140 00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:22,052 It's a real barn burner. 141 00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:24,624 Thank you so much, 142 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,596 and thank you for taking me to the opera. 143 00:05:26,597 --> 00:05:27,927 You know what? I baked you some cookies. 144 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:30,099 I'm gonna go pack them up for you. (CHUCKLES) 145 00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:32,662 Well, come on in. Please, please. 146 00:05:32,663 --> 00:05:35,436 Here, here, have a seat. Wherever you want, Bert. 147 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,507 You mind I call you Bert? 148 00:05:37,508 --> 00:05:38,938 Uh, actually, I'd rather you didn't. 149 00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:42,342 Bert always reminds me of that puppet on Sesame Street. 150 00:05:43,974 --> 00:05:45,546 Who, uh, Ernie? 151 00:05:51,482 --> 00:05:52,753 Sure. Yeah. 152 00:05:53,884 --> 00:05:55,354 Oh! 153 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,127 Man, you guys must have had a great time last night. 154 00:05:58,128 --> 00:06:00,059 She's been singing all day back there. 155 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,991 Well, Cheryl is delightful company. 156 00:06:01,992 --> 00:06:03,963 She is smart, and she's funny, 157 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:06,966 and she's considerate enough to spend time with an old man. 158 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,738 Oh, come on. How old are you? 159 00:06:08,739 --> 00:06:10,471 I'm 76. Holy... 160 00:06:14,104 --> 00:06:16,607 You want a shawl or a blanket or something? 161 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,881 Oh, look, the newspaper. 162 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,013 Huh, that's funny. 163 00:06:24,014 --> 00:06:26,487 Five mornings out of seven, I never get mine. 164 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,761 That is funny. 165 00:06:31,762 --> 00:06:34,123 Hey, the foreign film festival. Hmm. 166 00:06:34,124 --> 00:06:35,665 Are you folks going? 167 00:06:35,666 --> 00:06:38,568 Yeah, my wife's dragging me to The Bicycle Thief. 168 00:06:38,569 --> 00:06:40,570 Well, Jim, you're in for a real treat. 169 00:06:40,571 --> 00:06:43,773 The Bicycle Thief is one of the great works of European cinema. 170 00:06:43,774 --> 00:06:46,777 Oh, I got a few European films in a box in the attic. 171 00:06:49,179 --> 00:06:51,581 Yeah, every once in a while 172 00:06:51,582 --> 00:06:52,913 I have my own festival. 173 00:06:56,547 --> 00:06:58,017 So, you like The Bicycle Thief, huh? 174 00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,088 Oh, I love it. 175 00:06:59,089 --> 00:07:00,650 Huh. 176 00:07:00,651 --> 00:07:02,853 Well, that's interesting. Why... 177 00:07:04,755 --> 00:07:07,497 Why don't you take Cheryl to see The Bicycle Thief? 178 00:07:07,498 --> 00:07:09,198 Really? Sure. 179 00:07:09,199 --> 00:07:10,900 You know what? It would make her happy, 180 00:07:10,901 --> 00:07:12,502 and I like seeing her happy. 181 00:07:12,503 --> 00:07:14,764 And believe me, I don't want to be up all night, 182 00:07:14,765 --> 00:07:16,907 standing in the bathroom peeing out tea. 183 00:07:18,769 --> 00:07:19,809 I hear that. 184 00:07:19,810 --> 00:07:21,671 Yeah. 185 00:07:21,672 --> 00:07:23,843 Well, I would really love to take her. 186 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,815 That is, with your kind permission. 187 00:07:25,816 --> 00:07:27,817 Oh, permission granted. Are you sure? 188 00:07:27,818 --> 00:07:29,479 Oh, of course I'm sure. 189 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,751 I'm the one who told you to do it. So you wouldn't mind? 190 00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:34,725 Oh, just take my wife to the damn movie, pops! 191 00:07:41,492 --> 00:07:43,093 (PLAYING THE BLUES) 192 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,871 Jim! Hey, Jim! 193 00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,042 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 194 00:07:53,043 --> 00:07:55,474 Ay, chihuahua. 195 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,176 So, honey, I'll be back by 10:00. 196 00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:58,908 Okay, okay, wait a minute, honey, come here. 197 00:07:58,909 --> 00:08:01,611 Listen, uh... I know you're going to be with Bertram, 198 00:08:01,612 --> 00:08:04,153 but you're going downtown, so please, park on the street, 199 00:08:04,154 --> 00:08:06,194 'cause I'm not paying those parking structure rates. 200 00:08:07,017 --> 00:08:08,058 (MOUTHING) 201 00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:10,259 Who's Bertram? 202 00:08:10,260 --> 00:08:12,121 Oh, he's just a neighbor. 203 00:08:12,122 --> 00:08:14,193 Cheryl's going out on the town with another dude? 204 00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:16,996 Oh, he's not another dude. He's just some old guy. 205 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,699 He takes her to the symphony and, you know, the opera, 206 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,601 and all the crap I hate. 207 00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:23,604 You think he'd take my wife to church? 208 00:08:25,876 --> 00:08:29,939 You know, Jim, an old man is still a man. 209 00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:32,511 ANDY: That's right. Oh, please, knock it off. 210 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,983 No, no, it's true. 211 00:08:33,984 --> 00:08:36,546 I once walked in on my grandparents doing it. 212 00:08:36,547 --> 00:08:38,147 What? 213 00:08:38,148 --> 00:08:40,550 Yeah, yeah. They were in their 70s, 214 00:08:40,551 --> 00:08:42,952 but Gramps was really putting Nana through her paces. 215 00:08:42,953 --> 00:08:44,554 Ew! Come on! 216 00:08:44,555 --> 00:08:47,628 Can we change the subject here? 217 00:08:48,799 --> 00:08:50,700 You know, they got these pills now 218 00:08:50,701 --> 00:08:53,002 that'll turn an old man into a teenager. 219 00:08:53,003 --> 00:08:55,835 Yeah, Admiral Winky can sure stay on the bridge 220 00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,136 a lot longer than he used to. 221 00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,738 (ALL LAUGHING) 222 00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:02,271 I mean, they got four hour, six hour, 223 00:09:02,272 --> 00:09:04,174 and now the new 36 hour. 224 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,977 Hey, 80 is the new 60. 225 00:09:07,978 --> 00:09:10,751 They really are the greatest generation. 226 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,156 Jim, Jim. Are you ready? 227 00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,159 Huh? What? 228 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,231 Hey, count it off, man. Yeah, count it. I'm counting. 229 00:09:22,232 --> 00:09:24,193 Okay, one, two, three, four. 230 00:09:24,194 --> 00:09:26,066 (PLAYING THE BLUES) 231 00:09:34,905 --> 00:09:37,677 Oh, see, Bertram, you didn't have to walk me to the door. 232 00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:38,808 I'm fine. 233 00:09:38,809 --> 00:09:40,349 Well, you can't be too careful. 234 00:09:40,350 --> 00:09:43,783 I didn't like the look of some of them squirrels out front. 235 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,255 Oh. (LAUGHS) 236 00:09:47,357 --> 00:09:49,159 (SCREAMS) Jim! 237 00:09:50,761 --> 00:09:52,793 Oh, you scared me to death. 238 00:09:53,323 --> 00:09:54,324 Did I? 239 00:09:55,325 --> 00:09:56,365 (EXHALES) 240 00:09:56,366 --> 00:09:58,928 I'm sorry, my pet. 241 00:09:58,929 --> 00:10:01,832 I was waiting up for you, and I must have nodded off. 242 00:10:05,135 --> 00:10:07,106 What time is it? 243 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,239 Oh, mercy me, it's after 1:00. 244 00:10:10,380 --> 00:10:12,311 1:00? (GASPS) 245 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:15,815 Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I should have called. 246 00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,947 I had no idea how late it was. 247 00:10:17,948 --> 00:10:19,849 After the ballet, Bertram and I went 248 00:10:19,850 --> 00:10:21,792 to this jazz club he knows about. 249 00:10:22,653 --> 00:10:23,854 Bertram. 250 00:10:24,655 --> 00:10:25,726 Yes. 251 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:27,898 Bertram. 252 00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,761 (YAWNS) What a night. 253 00:10:31,762 --> 00:10:34,764 Oh, my God, you must be just exhausted. 254 00:10:34,765 --> 00:10:36,005 Why don't you go upstairs to bed, honey? 255 00:10:36,006 --> 00:10:37,807 I'll see Bertram out. 256 00:10:37,808 --> 00:10:39,739 Oh, thank you, sweetie. 257 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:43,342 Bertram, thank you for a lovely, lovely evening. 258 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,245 (BERTRAM CHUCKLING) (MOUTHING) 259 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,417 So I'll see you on Saturday. 260 00:10:48,418 --> 00:10:50,720 Right. The symphony. I can't wait. 261 00:10:50,721 --> 00:10:52,221 (LAUGHS) 262 00:10:52,222 --> 00:10:53,422 All right, baby. 263 00:10:53,423 --> 00:10:55,324 I'll be up there in a second 264 00:10:55,325 --> 00:10:57,227 to take my place beside you. 265 00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,259 In our bed. 266 00:11:01,431 --> 00:11:02,432 All right. 267 00:11:07,197 --> 00:11:08,238 Mmm. 268 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,844 What was that? 269 00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,005 What? 270 00:11:16,006 --> 00:11:17,707 No, no, no, you just made a... 271 00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:18,778 You just made a sound. 272 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,309 Oh, I was just clearing my throat. 273 00:11:20,310 --> 00:11:21,782 No. No, no. 274 00:11:23,884 --> 00:11:25,285 You went "mmm." 275 00:11:27,017 --> 00:11:29,189 Clearing your throat is "ahem." 276 00:11:30,921 --> 00:11:33,193 You just made the "I want to hit that" noise. 277 00:11:35,365 --> 00:11:38,367 I'm sorry, Jim, but I don't understand what you're saying. 278 00:11:38,368 --> 00:11:40,169 It's been a long night. I'm going home. 279 00:11:40,170 --> 00:11:42,432 Well, you can stay home. Well, thank you. I live there. 280 00:11:44,975 --> 00:11:46,276 You listen to me, pal. 281 00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:49,338 Here's the deal. 282 00:11:49,339 --> 00:11:51,340 You and Cheryl are over. 283 00:11:51,341 --> 00:11:53,783 I don't want you to talk to her, I don't want you to see her, 284 00:11:53,784 --> 00:11:55,785 I don't want you calling her. You got it? 285 00:11:55,786 --> 00:11:57,146 Yes, but I don't understand what you're... 286 00:11:57,147 --> 00:11:59,348 Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. 287 00:11:59,349 --> 00:12:01,821 I think you do understand. 288 00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,352 Just because a dog is droopy 289 00:12:03,353 --> 00:12:05,826 doesn't mean he can't still hunt. 290 00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:11,201 Is this another Sesame Street thing? 291 00:12:13,463 --> 00:12:16,465 I want you out of here by the time I count five, 292 00:12:16,466 --> 00:12:18,067 or I'm going to turn that hose on you. 293 00:12:18,068 --> 00:12:19,508 But, Jim, this was all your idea! 294 00:12:19,509 --> 00:12:20,510 One! 295 00:12:22,112 --> 00:12:23,413 Two, three, four, five! 296 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,016 (LAUGHS) 297 00:12:27,017 --> 00:12:28,378 BERTRAM: Whoa! Cold! 298 00:12:33,884 --> 00:12:36,525 Okay, I'll be home by 10:00, 10:30 at the latest, 299 00:12:36,526 --> 00:12:38,888 and no surprises this time. 300 00:12:38,889 --> 00:12:40,529 Ha, I'm confident about that. 301 00:12:40,530 --> 00:12:41,961 (LAUGHS) 302 00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,463 Hey. Hey, well, look at you. 303 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,135 Hot date tonight? 304 00:12:46,136 --> 00:12:48,767 Yeah, you. 305 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,870 Didn't Jim tell you? I'm taking you to the symphony. 306 00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,441 What? Where's Bertram? 307 00:12:52,442 --> 00:12:54,774 Yes. Bertram. Yes. 308 00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,847 He's a creep, honey. 309 00:12:57,848 --> 00:13:00,549 Uh, I'm gonna have Andy take you on dates from now on. 310 00:13:00,550 --> 00:13:02,511 What? Uh, the shoes stay on for an hour. 311 00:13:02,512 --> 00:13:04,153 After that, no promises. 312 00:13:04,154 --> 00:13:07,416 Wait, wait. I'm not going with you. 313 00:13:07,417 --> 00:13:10,419 Bertram is not a creep. He's a sweet, old man. 314 00:13:10,420 --> 00:13:12,521 Yeah, a sweet, old man who wants to get down on it. 315 00:13:12,522 --> 00:13:14,363 Oh, come on. 316 00:13:14,364 --> 00:13:16,795 Cheryl, trust me. You should have seen him. 317 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,297 When you were going up the stairs the other night, 318 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,570 he made the "mmm" sound. 319 00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,532 "Mmm"? No, no, no, no. 320 00:13:23,533 --> 00:13:25,304 Not "mmm" from the throat. 321 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,177 "Mmm" from the loins. 322 00:13:28,178 --> 00:13:30,940 It's a guy thing. And, honey, it is uncontrollable. 323 00:13:30,941 --> 00:13:33,012 Oh, come... No. It's true, Cheryl. 324 00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:36,215 I "mmm'd" a meter maid at the DMV yesterday. 325 00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:38,918 What is it about those uniforms? 326 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,189 Mmm. Mmm. 327 00:13:40,190 --> 00:13:41,221 Oh. 328 00:13:41,852 --> 00:13:43,252 Beat it. 329 00:13:43,253 --> 00:13:45,454 Fine. Next time, Jim, 330 00:13:45,455 --> 00:13:47,256 green-light your scheme with the wife 331 00:13:47,257 --> 00:13:49,359 before I squat the crease out of my suit. 332 00:13:51,261 --> 00:13:53,432 Jim, how dare you? 333 00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,934 Bertram's my friend. 334 00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:57,867 He's not your friend, Cheryl. He's a guy. 335 00:13:57,868 --> 00:14:00,009 And you put a guy in the batter's box, 336 00:14:00,010 --> 00:14:01,371 he's gonna take a swing. 337 00:14:03,073 --> 00:14:05,344 He's a 76-year-old man. 338 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,617 Man, Cheryl, that's the operative word. Man. 339 00:14:08,618 --> 00:14:11,250 I'll admit I was fooled by the age, too, 340 00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,621 but he's a man, 341 00:14:12,622 --> 00:14:15,124 and I'm a man, and I'm your husband. 342 00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:17,426 Therefore, it is my job to protect you. 343 00:14:17,427 --> 00:14:19,158 I don't want to ruin your friendship. 344 00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,630 It's just my job. 345 00:14:21,631 --> 00:14:25,434 Deciding who I'm friends with is not your job. 346 00:14:25,435 --> 00:14:29,038 (LAUGHS) That's a very common mistake, Cheryl. 347 00:14:29,039 --> 00:14:30,901 Lots of wives make that mistake. 348 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:34,203 You know what? You're wrong about Bertram. 349 00:14:34,204 --> 00:14:35,504 No, I'm not. Yes, you are. 350 00:14:35,505 --> 00:14:38,308 No, I'm not. Yes, you are! 351 00:14:39,149 --> 00:14:40,379 Where are you going? 352 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,611 I'm going for a drive to think, 353 00:14:42,612 --> 00:14:45,155 if I have my protector's permission. 354 00:14:48,418 --> 00:14:49,619 Granted! 355 00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:52,492 (DOORBELL RINGS) 356 00:14:55,966 --> 00:14:58,297 Cheryl, what are you doing here? 357 00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:00,300 Jim's not with you, is he? 358 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:02,671 No, no, I... 359 00:15:02,672 --> 00:15:06,135 Look, I'm just gonna give you the standard speech I give all the neighbors. 360 00:15:06,136 --> 00:15:09,278 Dear sir or madam, apparently my husband has 361 00:15:09,279 --> 00:15:12,341 insert appalling action here. 362 00:15:12,342 --> 00:15:14,443 While this is by no means an admission of guilt 363 00:15:14,444 --> 00:15:18,147 or legal liability on Jim's part, 364 00:15:18,148 --> 00:15:20,920 please accept this green bean casserole as a peace offering. 365 00:15:22,352 --> 00:15:24,023 I kind of stormed out, 366 00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,654 so I'm gonna have to owe you the casserole. 367 00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:27,096 Thank you. 368 00:15:27,097 --> 00:15:28,497 Please, come on in. 369 00:15:28,498 --> 00:15:30,059 Oh, thank you. 370 00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:31,530 Yeah, Bertram, would you please tell me 371 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,032 what happened between you and Jim? 372 00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,263 Well, I don't know. 373 00:15:34,264 --> 00:15:36,265 He just flew off the handle the other night. 374 00:15:36,266 --> 00:15:37,566 (EXHALES) 375 00:15:37,567 --> 00:15:39,638 He thinks you have ulterior motives. 376 00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:41,440 Oh, is that it? 377 00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:44,443 The man is so hard to read. 378 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:47,646 He... He thinks you made an "mmm" noise. 379 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:50,519 (CHUCKLES) Cheryl, I'm 76 years old. 380 00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,181 I make all kinds of noises. 381 00:15:52,182 --> 00:15:53,552 (LAUGHS) 382 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,124 Look, please, sit down. Ah. 383 00:15:55,125 --> 00:15:56,585 You look a little shook up. 384 00:15:56,586 --> 00:15:58,988 I was just having a glass of wine. Would you like one? 385 00:15:58,989 --> 00:16:00,459 You know, that would be great. 386 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,091 Thank you. 387 00:16:02,092 --> 00:16:04,693 Oh, I love him to death, but I swear to God, 388 00:16:04,694 --> 00:16:06,665 sometimes he is just a caveman. 389 00:16:06,666 --> 00:16:08,638 Here, here. Oh. 390 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,541 To the performing arts. 391 00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:13,103 Ah. 392 00:16:17,107 --> 00:16:20,509 Mmm. Oh, that is lovely. 393 00:16:20,510 --> 00:16:23,152 Yes, well, that's a California Merlot. 394 00:16:23,153 --> 00:16:25,354 I hope it's not too pedestrian. 395 00:16:25,355 --> 00:16:27,016 Mmm. 396 00:16:27,017 --> 00:16:28,258 (SLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) 397 00:16:31,361 --> 00:16:33,022 You know, I mean, I... 398 00:16:33,023 --> 00:16:35,094 I get to choose my own friends. 399 00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,627 I... I just want someone I can do things with. 400 00:16:39,129 --> 00:16:40,200 Hey. 401 00:16:41,671 --> 00:16:44,133 Is that the music from the jazz club? 402 00:16:44,134 --> 00:16:45,474 It sure is. 403 00:16:45,475 --> 00:16:47,676 It's very soothing, isn't it? 404 00:16:47,677 --> 00:16:50,339 Yes. You know, it is. 405 00:16:50,340 --> 00:16:52,381 It's... It's just... It's amazing to me. 406 00:16:52,382 --> 00:16:54,513 It's like Jim really doesn't believe that 407 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:57,286 a straight man can be friends with an attractive woman. 408 00:16:57,287 --> 00:16:59,249 The man is a neanderthal. 409 00:17:01,391 --> 00:17:04,393 No, no, no. 410 00:17:04,394 --> 00:17:08,057 He's a good guy. It's just that sometimes, he gets these crazy ideas. 411 00:17:08,058 --> 00:17:09,398 (CHUCKLES) 412 00:17:09,399 --> 00:17:11,530 What smells so good? 413 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,802 Oh, that's the candle. 414 00:17:13,803 --> 00:17:16,465 It's called "tropical passion." 415 00:17:16,466 --> 00:17:18,537 I see. Ah. 416 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,340 Those island nights. 417 00:17:21,711 --> 00:17:23,412 Okay. 418 00:17:23,413 --> 00:17:24,743 (LAUGHS) 419 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,275 You know what? 420 00:17:26,276 --> 00:17:28,547 Jim is not gonna ruin our symphony date. 421 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,749 So you go get your suit on, and let's go. 422 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,121 No, what's the rush? 423 00:17:32,122 --> 00:17:34,783 Why don't we just sit and finish our wine? 424 00:17:34,784 --> 00:17:37,687 Oh, but we're gonna be late for the symphony. Shh, shh, shh, shh. 425 00:17:39,689 --> 00:17:42,762 (WHISPERS) Oh, but we're gonna be late for the symphony. 426 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,196 Mmm. 427 00:17:49,299 --> 00:17:52,572 Oh, my God. That's the noise. 428 00:17:54,444 --> 00:17:55,705 Oh, my God! 429 00:17:56,446 --> 00:17:57,606 Oh... 430 00:17:57,607 --> 00:18:00,849 That did come from your loins! 431 00:18:00,850 --> 00:18:03,852 The question is, what kind of noise are your loins making now? 432 00:18:03,853 --> 00:18:05,185 Now, Bertram! 433 00:18:06,456 --> 00:18:08,117 Damn it. 434 00:18:08,118 --> 00:18:09,418 I thought we were friends. 435 00:18:09,419 --> 00:18:10,619 Oh, we are, we are. 436 00:18:10,620 --> 00:18:12,421 Just think how much better friends we'll be 437 00:18:12,422 --> 00:18:13,862 when we see each other naked. 438 00:18:13,863 --> 00:18:15,195 (GROANS) 439 00:18:16,726 --> 00:18:18,197 Where are you going? 440 00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,399 Where am I going? I'm going to the symphony. 441 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,670 Alone. 442 00:18:21,671 --> 00:18:22,771 You, uh... 443 00:18:22,772 --> 00:18:24,533 You know what the saddest part is? 444 00:18:24,534 --> 00:18:26,605 It's not just that our friendship is over, 445 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:27,807 which it is. 446 00:18:29,379 --> 00:18:31,310 It's that Jim was right about you. 447 00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,212 Men are animals. 448 00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:35,844 Oh, no, Cheryl, men aren't animals. 449 00:18:35,845 --> 00:18:39,388 Men are men, at all ages. 450 00:18:39,389 --> 00:18:41,720 Ah, what an old fool I am. 451 00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:44,793 I went and ruined a great friendship. 452 00:18:44,794 --> 00:18:48,458 It's just that I've been so lonely since my dear Adele died. 453 00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:51,631 Not working. All right, I'll see you. 454 00:19:06,376 --> 00:19:07,877 Commence firing. 455 00:19:12,382 --> 00:19:13,923 Come on, tuba player. Stay still. 456 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,287 (CLINKING) 457 00:19:18,288 --> 00:19:19,429 Sweet. 458 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,161 MAN: Hey! 459 00:19:27,397 --> 00:19:28,538 Hey... 460 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:31,700 What are you doing here? 461 00:19:31,701 --> 00:19:34,843 Well, I thought if you came alone, I'd be your date, 462 00:19:34,844 --> 00:19:37,277 and if you came with Bertram, I'd kick his ass. 463 00:19:38,708 --> 00:19:40,680 You're alone, right? Yeah. 464 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,282 Good. 465 00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,483 Now I can put my roll of dimes back in my change drawer. 466 00:19:47,487 --> 00:19:48,957 You were right. 467 00:19:48,958 --> 00:19:50,660 Bertram made his move. 468 00:19:53,223 --> 00:19:55,964 Go ahead. Do it. 469 00:19:55,965 --> 00:19:57,896 "Well, well, well." 470 00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,628 (LAUGHS) 471 00:19:59,629 --> 00:20:01,470 Not this time, Cheryl. 472 00:20:01,471 --> 00:20:03,303 Although I am right, 473 00:20:03,933 --> 00:20:05,434 it is partly my fault. 474 00:20:05,435 --> 00:20:07,537 You set me up with him. It's all your fault. 475 00:20:08,438 --> 00:20:09,909 Well, "all" is a part. 476 00:20:10,580 --> 00:20:12,711 Well... 477 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:16,315 You know, I realize when we do stuff together, 478 00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:19,949 it's not really about the stuff we do together. 479 00:20:21,291 --> 00:20:23,892 It's that we're together. 480 00:20:23,893 --> 00:20:26,755 Aw, honey. 481 00:20:26,756 --> 00:20:28,897 I like being together with you, too. 482 00:20:28,898 --> 00:20:30,899 And we're together at the symphony. 483 00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:32,861 I finally got you here. 484 00:20:32,862 --> 00:20:34,022 (HAUGHTILY) Yes, the symphony. 485 00:20:35,605 --> 00:20:38,507 (APPLAUSE) Oh, shh, it's starting. 486 00:20:38,508 --> 00:20:42,010 Since I'm new at this, you want to talk me through it? 487 00:20:42,011 --> 00:20:44,573 Ok, down there, those guys... Mmm-hmm. 488 00:20:44,574 --> 00:20:46,946 ...they play music, and we listen. 489 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,480 Well, what am I supposed to look at? 490 00:20:51,481 --> 00:20:52,522 Shh. 491 00:20:56,486 --> 00:20:57,826 (WHISPERS) Cheryl... 492 00:20:57,827 --> 00:20:59,858 Yeah? 493 00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:01,499 You didn't park in the structure, did you? 494 00:21:04,494 --> 00:21:05,834 You know, Jim... 495 00:21:05,835 --> 00:21:07,035 Some people, 496 00:21:07,036 --> 00:21:10,499 they close their eyes so they can listen better. 497 00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:12,902 Shh. Close your eyes, quiet. 498 00:21:18,948 --> 00:21:19,948 Mmm.